Eternity
by Xandryh
Summary: After his death, Sirius watches over Remus.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, they all belong to JK. Rowling.  
Spoilers: the Order of the Phoenix

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I hate seeing him like this, seeing all the pain he is in. And knowing the pain is because of me is unbearable; I can see in his eyes that he is thinking about me, it is almost as if I'm looking into a mirror when I look into his eyes. I wish I could make his pain go away. I wish I could tell him that I'm fine, that I'm okay now. But he can't feel my touch; he can't hear my voice. I think he can feel my presence, but I am not sure if that is good or bad. If I'm soothing him by my presence or if I'm deepening his pain.

I know what he's thinking about, I'm also thinking about it. I'm not quite sure how it happened. It went so quickly, so smoothly, so… Easily. I never would have thought it would be like that. I was gone and yet I was still there. They couldn't see me, they couldn't hear me even though I could see and hear them. The pain they were in, the pain I caused them only by my absence was heartbreaking.

I have stayed with him ever since it happened, trying in vain to ease his pain. Though it has bothered me greatly to see him like this, it has also been interesting. No matter how well you think you know someone, they never cease to surprise you, and he has surprised me more in these few weeks than he has during all the years we've known each other.

"I'm sorry." They say.

"I know how much you loved him." Others say.

He only nods and smiles sadly. When they ask him how he is feeling, he says he's okay. I think they believe him. I think they believe that he is stronger than I know him to be. I can understand why they would believe so; he has been through worse before. Or has he? He lost us all, including me. I know the pain he felt then for I felt it too. We both lost our family. Several years later we got each other back, and now he has lost me again. We were like brothers. He is alone and in pain, and even though it hurts me deeply to see him like this, I'm also aware that my family is somewhere here. I have not gone looking for them yet, and they have not looked for me. I think they know I need some time.

He really has surprised me though. He does not show how much pain he's in, he doesn't talk to anyone about it. I know that had we been there, he would not have been so strong. Or rather, he would not have acted so strong, not in front of us. But we are not there… And he goes to see them, even though I know that all he wants is to be left alone. Yet he goes. He goes just to show them that he's okay, to let them know that they don't have to worry about him. That is what he wants them to believe. He can't take their compassion, simply because he feels unworthy of it. He feels there is other who needs it more. He's wrong.

"I am not going to stay here much longer." He once said as I thought that, almost as if he could hear my thoughts. But he can not even hear my voice, much less my thoughts. He knows, however, that I would have told him that had I been there, had I been able to talk to him. And that would have been his answer. I believe he said it because he talks to me in his head when no one else is around. When he is standing in front of the window, thinking about me. He says things out loud then, as if he's talking to me, as if I am there. I wanted to yell at him for saying it, I wanted to tell him that he would be fine, but I didn't. Two reasons stopped me: one, he wouldn't have heard me anyway and two, I'm beginning to think that he's right.

It seems we are destined to a fate similar to mine. The only things that differ are how and when we get there. Most of our family is gone already, most of our generation, our era. They're here with me now. That's what bothers me, my family is here, most of the people I love are here. I can be happy now; there is nothing more that could harm me. But how am I supposed to be happy when he is in all that pain? How can I be happy when there is not a single thing I can do to make him feel better?

"There is nothing you can do for him, you have watched over him long enough. You know as well as I do that he will be better in time. He's right though, he will not be there much longer. Now come, we have much to catch up on."

I turn my head towards the sound of his voice, the voice I know so well, the voice of my long lost brother. He stands behind me, grinning, his hazel eyes sparkling. I can feel my face lighting up at the sight of him. He beckons with his head for me to come. I can feel all my worries washing away. Our brother is in pain and I cast a last glance back at him, but it is true, he will join us soon enough. Everything will be right again.

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Author's Note: English is not my native language, so please excuse any grammatical errors. Please share your thoughts about the story.


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